FOR MY MOM

The afternoon of November 17, 2012 was when we laid to rest my mother- CORAZON UMLAS MALLARI. First, let me express our family’s appreciation for your expression of support and sympathies. We are overwhelmed.

In this piece, I would not deal with the clichés or the conventional “my mother was the best mother in the world thing”- no I would not do that. I would rather say that she was the typical mother, compassionate, loving, protective and affectionate- the same traits most mothers, your mothers would have. In fact, she was even simpler than the simple mothers you see around. 

What I learned from last week’s experience was that I am indeed a person who is not visually stimulated. For days during her hospitalization up to the time of her interment, I was surrounded by people who have been crying and yet this has not moved me to cry a bit. But this is not to say that I did not cry at all- the fact is I did! And aplenty when all by myself, I played songs on the car stereo. The songs did the trick for me and if only I could avoid riding my cars just so that I wouldn’t shed an ocean of tears again, I would do so.

I likewise learned that the pain of losing a mother is anchored on the fact of the physical loss- on the realities that I would not be able to see, hear or touch her in the flesh again. Pictures or videos of our loved ones though helpful would not be able to commensurate to the happiness brought about by their physical state. I have reason to believe that when she was still alive, I never shortchanged her of my affection, I kissed and embraced her constantly and always told her how much I love her. Thus, I do not fall in the category of those who regret not having expressed their affection for their departed loved ones when they were still alive. I am going to miss her embraces, even the casual times when she counted the number of push-ups I did when I visited her at home.

When she was still alive, my siblings were very vocal too in saying that I was her favorite and while I do not necessarily dispute that, I thought that such must be attributed to the fact that I was most sickly when I was a kid. I was her only child who figured in “repeated” accidents before, was the most problematic too as an adult and had the most worrisome job among her kids. For these reasons, her concern for me may be more obvious at times compared to my other siblings.

 In her lifetime, I also introduced to her three women whom she spoiled too in her own little ways. Yes, she had the tendency to spoil the women in my life that she cried a lot too when these relationships ended. This must have influenced me in my decision not to introduce every woman who came along my way because each time the relationships ended, she had the inherent sadness for the thought of having lost another daughter. You can just imagine her grief if I introduced and lost every one , she would not have reached 70 at all hahaha.

Today, while I write this piece, I am totally in pain over the fact that my mother would not be around to know that I dedicated some time to write about her. And that no matter how I wanted to have new mothers in the person of my friends’ mothers whom I already grew fondness of, it cannot remove me from the fact that they are not mine. I, like you are born of only singular mothers on this earth. If we lost one, we are never having one again.

That is why for those who are lucky to still have their mothers around, I hope that upon reading this, you pause for a moment to give her a call to say that you love them. Do not send a text message please, there is no warmth in that. If she is beside you now, the more reason that it is easier for you to express your love and your gratitude. If you can’t or hesitant to do so, I would be glad to do it for you. 

Thanks.